My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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