You smell like a Billy Joel song
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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