i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
