I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
