whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
