I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
