There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
