Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize