i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
