I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
this just has baby written all over it
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
