I am in a vortex of obligation.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
