that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
