i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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