I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
