Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
