Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
