nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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