I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
