actually, I'm a sock model
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up under a house in Key West
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