I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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