gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
