I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
