its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
