Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
