I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
