the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
