the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
