the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
