He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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