omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
