He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
