Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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