You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
