I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
