remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
