Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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