You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
