Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
