HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
