Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
