tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
