Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
