very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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