i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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