I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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