P.S. I can't hear my feet
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
