I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
