in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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