So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Randomize
