Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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